quinta-feira, dezembro 23, 2004
A TCS Christmas Carol
A Tech Central Station oferece aos seus leitores variantes da famosa "Christmas Carol de Charles Dickens.
A minha selecção:
John Edwards: Tiny Tim sues his parents for wrongful life, and his doctors for wrongful death. His crusading attorney makes a small fortune when the doctors settle out-of-court, even though they know perfectly well that Mrs. Cratchit's C-section didn't cause Tiny Tim's birth defects. Tiny Tim's cut of the settlement allows him to go to Oxford. For a week.
Ayn Rand: The ruggedly handsome and weirdly articulate Ebeneezer Scrooge is a successful executive held back by the corrupt morality of a society that hates success and fails to understand the value of selfishness. So Scrooge explains that value in a 272-page soliloquy. Deep down, Scrooge's enemies know that he is right, but they resent him out of a sense of their own inferiority. Several hot sex scenes and unlikely monologues later, Scrooge triumphs over all adversity -- except a really mean review by Whittaker Chambers. Meanwhile, Tiny Tim croaks. Socialized medicine is to blame.
The Libertarian Party: It's pretty much the same as the Ayn Rand version, but about halfway through the story, we learn that Scrooge is an alcoholic wife-swapping embezzling weirdo who's wanted for back child support payments in several states. Even readers sympathetic to the Libertarian story throw up their hands in disgust and grudgingly seek out the Republican version.
George A. Romero: Scrooge and several other London strangers barricade themselves in a shopping mall because the Zombies of Christmas Past, Present, and Future have risen from the grave, seeking to consume the cookies and eggnog of the living.
Milton Friedman: Scrooge is actually a reasonable fellow who pays his ungrateful employee Cratchit a comfortable middle-class salary by the actual standards of mid-19th century London. After his haunting, Scrooge spends Christmas telling everyone what he learned from the past, present, and future: the UK should embrace a bimetallic monetary strategy.
CBS News: After the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future issue their independent review report, Scrooge grudgingly admits that his remarks about prisons, workhouses, and "the surplus population" were inadequately sourced. Scrooge takes no further action. Tiny Tim dies. Scrooge runs a five-part series on "England's Impending Health Care Crisis."
Jacques Chirac: Scrooge can't understand anything that happens when the Ghost of Christmas Future haunts him. It's all in Arabic.
posted by Miguel Noronha 10:36 da manhã
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